this beer tastes like vomit already
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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