if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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