I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
