so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
