did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
