I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
