You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
