He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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