The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
