bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
