i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
