Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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