its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
