Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
