after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
