chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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