Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
