hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
