U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
