So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
