I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
