you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
