I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Randomize
