I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
