Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
True college students do jello shots in the library
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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