can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
