you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
