Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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