what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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