I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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