There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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