There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
