it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
