We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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