screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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