Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
