i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
