party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
