just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
