enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
