TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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