you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
