I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
