DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
