fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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