I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
