dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
