Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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