I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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