Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
