piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
